Bad sex. Ain’t nobody got time for that (even though it typically lasts only a minute or so). But still, despite what can be learned from a bad lay, we want to avoid it all costs as it’s uncomfortable, awkward, boring, and very regrettable. And while those first two characteristics are typical of one-night stands, the last one can creep in even the most passionate of relationships. Because as those turn to marriage, the sex more often than not, turns boring. And this spells bad news, as this is when frustration and resentment seeps in, people turn to cheating – and before you know it – divorce papers are being exchanged. All because the sex went south.So how do couples do it?You know, those long-lasting happily-ever-after ones? Are they just content with boring sex, or no sex at all? Or, do they have a secret for keeping it hot and spicy well after the seven-year-itch? Good news, it’s the latter. And if you’re in desperate need of a sex secret to long lasting, satisfying sex – then even better news – we’ve got 11 for you right here, straight from the happiest couple’s mouths themselves.
Quantity Down. Quality Up
One of the hardest things a couple has to deal with when it comes to long term sex (and no, we’re not talking about that hard thing), is that the quantity goes down. But the good news is that if you’re a happy and healthy couple on every other facet of the relationship, the quality should go up. Over time the trust grows, and that triggers a release of oxytocin (our brain’s cuddle chemical) every time we’re with them. When this chemical gets mixed in with sex, it becomes love making. And that’s a quality no one-night stander will ever understand.
No One’s Orgasm’s More Important
If you haven’t noticed, there’s a strong spirit of equality growing out there in society. And this extends into the bedroom as well, which means both party’s orgasm is of equal importance and value. Anything less than equal in this department, and resentment will soon build as one person has put their pleasure over the others. When you’re a happy couple, you actually get off on trying to get the other person off. When you both do this, it makes for the best sex a couple can have.
The best couples know how to compromise – outside of, but especially inside the bedroom. What happens after being together a while is that certain fantasies start to reveal themselves (peach-emoji action, anyone?). But as it often happens, one’s fantasy is not the others. So there needs to be some compromise – on both ends (no pun intended) – to get as close as possible to having everyone satisfied.
This one naturally has to follow the last, as experimenting is a huge part of keeping things spicy. So ok, you’re not into some peach-emoji action. Now. But as the saying goes, “don’t deny until you try.” You never know what fantasies you have hidden in the deepest, darkest parts of your mind unless you’re willing to go back there (again, no pun intended).
Sex stores can be useful
Now that experimentation is on the table (or bed), that now opens the door to sex shops, literally. Sex shops are often an oasis for those long-term couples who want to maintain the curiosity and excitement in their love making. Hand cuffs and hands-free vibrators anyone?
An Orgasm Isn’t Everything
Here’s the biggest myth buster of all: your orgasm isn’t the be-all and end-all. While that may be what both of you are working towards, strictly focusing on them instantly kills any excitement and makes for very boring sex. Instead, focus not just what you’re feeling in the moment, but also, be in-tune to what they’re feeling too. When you’re doing it right you both sync up, which gives way to the best orgasm of all – an emotional one.
Sex Is Not To Be Taken Seriously
Sex, when done right, is passionate, fun, exciting, relieving and satisfying, emotionally connecting – amongst many things. But one thing it isn’t is to be taken seriously. When it comes to sex, so many things can go wrong (such as mysterious noises escaping from mysterious places. Ok, so it’s not that mysterious), that when taken seriously will totally kill the mood. You’ve got to have a sense of humor and be light-hearted about it to really enjoy it.
Never Use Sex As A Weapon
One thing happy couples just inherently know is that sex is not to be used as a weapon. NEVER. While no one is expected to have sex when they’re in a bad mood, happy couples work on the problem instead of using sex to prove a point or gain leverage over the other. Withholding sex only adds fuel to the fire making every other problem worse.
The Mundane Can Actually Be Hot
How does a couple get past the mundanity of daily life together? By looking outside the bedroom. For example, ever notice what it really means when you catch your partner doing a chore you know he or she hates? It means they’re trying to please you. And that’s the biggest turn-on of all.
Slow Burn > On-Switch
When your single and ready to mingle, getting turned-on is no different than flipping a light switch. But when you’ve been with the same light bulb for years, decades even, getting tuned on and turning the other person on is more of a slow burn. It takes more than just a “So when are we having sex?” like most couples ask. If fact, that’s a turn-off. You need to master the art of foreplay, and that starts outside the bedroom – like, for example, doing chores you don’t like to do in order to make the other person happy. See above.
Absence makes it grow harder
When it comes to long-term relationships, the saying “absence makes the heart grow fonder” couldn’t be truer. Being attached at the hip all the time is not healthy for any relationship, and actually kills the sex just as fast as anything else. But when you give each other space – be it because you have your own interests, friends, and other things that take you away from each other – you end up missing each other. And missing leads to kissing, and kissing leads to sex. It’s actually quite simple.